Written By: Michael “Hey Mikey” Fanning
William Shakespeare in a Midsummer Night’s Dream that “the course of true love never did run smooth.” Here we are nearly five hundred years later and not much has changed. Love, and the pursuit thereof, can be maddening, depressing, infuriating, and at the very least time consuming. Still, (maybe that should be a big “BUT”) you know you cannot let this thing called love get away from you–even when it has ended in divorce. Thankfully two amazing ladies have a new, hip, and trendy guide to “dating after divorce,” and we are here for it! Meet Monica Elam and Dedra Allen, two businesswomen turned authors, after following different paths in dating post-divorce. “People need to know there really is life after love, and that includes getting back out there and dating. It’s easier said than done, but it really can be done, just on your own terms.” Dedra relays.
Monica and Dedra’s book, Conversation For Your Soul, is going to make waves! You might think of it as a “Girlfriend’s Guide to Dating After Divorce.” “We sat down one day and got on the topic of relationships and the turmoil we’d been through; and then began discussing how to move forward from divorce to celibacy, and to dating.” Monica states. However, although Monica and Dedra have co-authored the book, their paths to dating have been VERY different paths. Monica has opted to date while practicing celibacy for the last three years. “I chose that path for myself and wanted to find that one person for me without the sexual part…I really wanted to get to know the person…” Dedra, however, has opted to date the more modern way, “No, not celibate. I will say that I am dating actively and enjoying life.”
Interestingly, both of ladies also deviate in ideology when it comes to meeting men, their overall approach, and how they feel about the fallacy there not being enough “quality men.” “That has not been the case for me and I believe they say the number of women to men in Atlanta is twenty to one. I’ve never had a shortage of men–just not those one hundred thousand dollar ones–if that is what you equate to being quality then you’re off…I’ve met guys off IG [Instagram], dating sites, and in person. I enjoy it and it keeps me acclimated to social media…honestly women need to realize relationship dynamics have changed, and that women changed them. When you ask for liberation and equality you have to take everything that comes along with that…” Monica, also believes there is no shortage of men, but does feel like many people are holding up facades while dating. “A lot of people are not honest. They are so jaded by social media. It has become such a hook up culture that a lot of people aren’t being taken seriously…I usually guys through other people, you know referrals from friends and family [she laughs]–not social media–You don’t get a real picture of them.” We agree that social media is only a biased snapshot of anyone’s life. As the ladies recommend, we definitely advise anyone meeting someone off social media or even dating apps, to truly get to know the person they are dating.
Dedra and Monica are definitely two women on the go, juggling many roles in life, with one of them being motherhood. Both have found there are some challenges in dating when you also have children and yet again, have taken different approaches in how they dealt with this situation. “When they were younger I didn’t date in front of them,” Dedra admits, “Now that they’re older they understand dating, especially since they are now dating [she laughs].” Monica’s children, however, seem to be pushing her out the nest into dating. “My kids are older and want me to date and find love. If I don’t want you long term, you won’t meet my kids.” We know personally that parenthood and dating can be a tricky combination. The ladies, however, seem to have found a happy niche between their pursuit of romantic love and the ones they love the most.
In their final bit of advice to us, Dedra and Monica offer some serious words of wisdom:
“Enjoy. Don’t be so uptight! Just let yourself have fun; and don’t be so quick to put a label on you two.”-Dedra Allen
“Create the person you want to be and begin there, and the person you want will be there.”-Monica
Conversation For Your Soul is destined to be a Best-Seller and we cannot wait as it joins the ranks of books like He’s Just Not That Into You and Girl Get Your Mind Right! Be sure you be on the lookout for it EVERYWHERE and soon!