Written by: Langston John Blaze
The thing that most men have to learn is that the feeling of love does not go away overnight. We can try our best to sleep around with any and everything with two legs but that won’t change the truth. That wasn’t quite the path I’d walked down. However, I was finding myself in a situation I didn’t want to be in. I wasn’t over Nathan. At the time, when I was acting in the stage play Nathan Odon and I were in, we were just getting to know each other. We even had our own code hand shake when we would secretly make fun of one of the guys from our play who seemed as interested in Nathan as I did. Nevertheless, we were developing this platonic friendship before my eyes.
Yet, when my personal life became a bigger priority, Nathan slipped through my fingers. Caleb was the flirtatious actor who always did a little too much to show Nathan he was interested. Now, in finding out Nathan was taken…again as he was just getting out of a relationship before this new guy, I had a feeling he was with Caleb. I was driving myself insane thinking about it. I told my friend from work what was happening. “Just forget about him, Langston. He doesn’t sound like the right guy for you. I know it hurts right now and you feel numb, but I promise the feeling will pass,” my co-worker, Toni said to me concernedly. She even give me chocolates to sweetly smooth over my not-so sweet feelings.
It was tough getting through work that day when all I could think about was Nathan and that stupid comment he made, causing me to analyze and regret the past. “You would have been better off telling me months ago,” Nathan said via text message after I practically made a fool out of myself, professing my love total Dawson’s Creek style. But I wasn’t embarrassed I told the truth. I was hurt.
Rewinding to my birthday, I met a friend of Nathan’s at my party. His name was Joshua Gates. Josh was cute, a libra (yikes but hey, whatever) 25, about 5’9 (5’10 with the right boot) witty (similar to Nathan), and clean cut. We did exchange numbers but I didn’t expect anything to come of it. At the time, I still had plans to tell Nathan how I felt about him. Nonetheless, I promised myself to make more friends in 2013 especially gay male friends: people I could directly relate to.
Joshua and I finally made plans to hang out one Saturday afternoon. I was not calling it a date. No, I just wanted to hang out with someone new and be more social outside of normal circumstances. We decided to meet in Atlantic Station in the city. I got there half an hour before Josh. As I locked both doors to my car, I turned around and realized, “Did I just lock my keys in the car?” Moments later, as I tried to find a policeman or anyone to help me get my door unlocked, Josh told me he is there. I explained to him my situation. Later on, we are both trying to figure out how in the hell are we going to get my door unlocked without calling a damn locksmith, who charges almost $100.00.
Waiting for a patrolman we called, Josh began to ask me the usual get-to-know-you questions: what are your interests, how tall are you, where are you from originally, and his sneaky, “what position are you” question, which had nothing to do with my job description by the way … if you get my drift. Sex talk turned into goofiness and enjoying each others’ company. And after the patrolman informed us that he couldn’t unlock my door due to liability, Josh and I went to “plan D” as he called it. Plan A was calling a policeman which failed, calling his friend’s car insurance company which failed, whatever plan he figured I had in my planless head which without existence failed, and now, plan D.
One wire hanger, two sticks, and a hand pushing down my window later, Josh and a random crew of guys found away to open my car door. Two hours had passed. All Josh and I could do was laugh. “Interesting first date,” he said, giggling, knowing that in some sense, I hardly considered this a date. We were merely two guys who found each other attractive, who happened to be flirting and getting to know each other in neutral territory. Nevermind, this was a date. I had accidentally gone on a date and did not know it.
That evening, we shared a nacho steak dinner at a restaurant in Atlantic Station. We talked more and suddenly as Nathan’s name came up, I realized Josh and Nathan were closer friends than I knew. If I was allowing myself to date and get to know someone else, should it have been with the one person who had a friendship with the guy I was having to get over? I wasn’t sure how deep this Josh thing would go. Coincidentally, Josh wanted whatever was between he and I to stay between us which I understood. He said it in away I comprehended easily because I was a private person and didn’t need to advertise my dating life (not including this column, of course).
With that being said, he informed me that he wasn’t a fan of Nathan’s good friend, who I knew from working on the play, named Patrick. Patrick and I were friends…somewhat but he had been distant lately. I also felt like a moron for listening to Pat tell me not to show too interest in Nathan because he was in a relationship. But at some point, Nathan was single. When Josh asked about my past dating life and I stated, “I don’t want to talk about that right now,” he ended up asking me had I dated Patrick or Nathan. The question hit me out of nowhere. Of course, I hadn’t dated either of them but I knew how I still felt about Nathan and how sensitive the subject was.
However, we agreed to talk about it later. Unexpectedly, just as Josh and I were about to say our goodbyes, he asked me for a hug. Suddenly, a hug led to him finding his lips on mine and we kissed outside of the restaurant…on an accidentally date. The kiss took me by a pleasant surprise but was I ready to be intimate with someone else when Nathan was not out of my system? And how messy could it have gotten when Nathan was good friends with Josh? And in some subconscious way, was I using this situation to create friction? Did I love Nathan so much that I was willing to make him jealous and start dating his friend? Or could I take Josh as a new pleasant experience, letting him be his own person and letting myself start fresh with him minus the mess and minus Nathan. Maybe some accidents are beautiful. Only time would tell.