Written by: Langston John Blaze
There’s a moment in every hopeless romantic’s life where love takes a back seat and a loveless need for intimacy takes over. I knew I was that hopeless romantic type, ready and willing to let Prince Charming secure me from the trenches and wicked beings also known as losers. Yet, it had not happened. I was in love with love, gripping it tight like a Barney playmate but here I was…without.
Every gay man has this feminine sweep-me-off-my-feet fantasy of love. Nevertheless, the masculine testosterone-filled sex-driven maniac cries out like someone turning into a beast at a full moon. For lack of a better expression, we need sex! I was suppose to be with Nathan. He was my dream guy with all his goofy, witty, fun, sexy, exciting ways. The fact was I counted on his best friend to give me the 411 on Nathan’s love life which put me in a position of hurt feelings in finding out Nathan had met someone. I was devastated.
But in a man, love and devastation don’t last long especially if he’s experienced it enough times to take the hit, let it pass, and move on, also known as be a big fat blazing hoe! Okay, so I can’t say my interpretation of this method was as black and white, but nonetheless, enduring the pain of who and what I couldn’t have in love, I found myself giving into the beast in me.
Truly, I was beginning to like Joshua. We kept our encounters between us. I liked it that way especially since he was good friends with Nathan. We hadn’t quite gone on a second date since our first disaster date when I locked my keys in my car. Miraculously, Josh found away to open it. Well, it wasn’t quite a disaster. It was more like a perfect mess.
One night. after a long day at work, I visited Josh at his place. I was quite aware that going over his place was grounds to invite sex but I was comfortable with the idea. Why not? This wasn’t our first meet and greet. I knew enough about him to feel good about the situation. He worked in sales and had a couple roommates; one male, one female. He was bisexual, which bothered me less than I realized it would. He was from the city and was a few months older than me.
No, I wasn’t in love but I was in like, if that meant anything. We cuddled on the couch and watched When Harry Met Sally. He was totally bored by the movie even after I briefed him on it but suddenly he became into it and I giggled at his cute intrigued. He cuddled so close to me that I could feel the full moon rising. I had been a good boy far too long. I had not done the do since the last a-hole left me with all feelings broken. So I allowed it.
Rubbing turned to kissing, kissing turned to moaning, and moaning turned into my underwear drawer getting a new visitor. I didn’t regret it the next morning, waking up from hibernation. In fact, the whole thing was beautifully sexy and cute. I didn’t have time to go home, so I put on a pair of jeans from his drawer and a button down shirt, both fitting me a little too tight. Driving to work, I laughed and smiled about it. I even text messaged Josh throughout the day, particularly because I had hickeys going down my neck like someone had passion marked territory.
I felt like a new man. I knew I would have to be careful with myself because I had been scarred by heartbreakers, meaning if I wasn’t careful, I could be the next topic of discussion in some skinny 25 year old’s column about love and the ways it makes us crazy. I liked Joshua. Yet, he was not my only option. I had limited myself long enough. And what’s the potential for love when it comes with limits? To be continued…