Written by: Langston John Blaze
Amy Winehouse had this old school way of illustrating love through song. It’s like you can literally see emotional colors of passion she sang about. And as I listened to “Tears Dry On Their Own” from her infamous Back To Black album, I asked myself, “Does love still have color?” It seems like everything is going faster and with the quickness, everything has an expiration date: technology, cars, food, style etc. It’s all about out with the old and in with the new.
Then, it hit me. Does this apply to love? Is love simply a fad; something to do, or should I say, someone to do, until boredom causes us to find a new do buddy? Recently, I remembered how it felt to really like someone and have unanswered questions destroy the potential for something great. His name was Nathan Odon. We had met on the set of a community theater play I was a lead in. Nathan was the newest member of the cast and, instantly, I found interests in his great conversation.
From the moment I laid eyes on him, we began talking like long lost friends. We didn’t bother introducing ourselves immediately. We just instantly began talking like how a bridge in a love song flows with the wave of music. Nathan had been recommended for a part in the play through another lead actor, Patrick. The moment I showed interest in Nathan, Patrick informed me that his friend had been in a serious relationship for some time and had even showed me a picture of the couple.
However, I had trouble believing the entire thing the next morning when I noticed a sweet good morning message from Nathan via Facebook. “Good morning, Kiddo,” he would call me. I loved it. He had mentioned he couldn’t wait to see me again and this big smile grew on my face. Immediately, I called Patrick to ask if he was sure about the whole Nathan is taken situation and how his flirting was causing me to feel he might be single. “Oh, he just does that!” Patrick said. “Nathan is a big flirt.” And since Pat was such “good friends” with Nathan, I took what he was saying into consideration. From that point on, I occasionally flirted with Nathan but I was considerate of the fact he was “taken”. Nevertheless, I did not know for sure. I was taking his friends word for it.
Months went by. With time, I had to give up my role in the stage play due to priorities with finding a new job and trying to reconstruct my life. Nathan showed concern that I wasn’t okay with the recent changes. “You gotta get you some wheels, Kiddo,” he would text me, referring to the fact that I was without a car. I missed being around Nathan. He lived about twenty minutes away from me in the city, and I stayed in the suburban Douglasville area in Georgia. I didn’t expect Nathan to come and pick me up, but not seeing him like I was used to was not fun.
Eventually, Nathan and I would speak occasionally and I would give him updates on my situation with work and getting a new car. As my birthday came around, I invited Nathan and the other cast mates to a gathering at a popular bar restaurant in Atlanta. Suddenly, in holding Nathan in my arms, like a baby, I realized my strong interest in him. I was in love with our friendship and I wanted it to grow into something more. I had just gotten a new car and work was moving along great.
For a couple weeks, I was trying to figure out how I was going to tell Nathan I was interested in taking our friendship to the next level. We would talk here and there and I finally found out a piece of Patrick’s insight was true. I confirmed it through Nathan when he told me casually that he was waiting for his ex to move out his townhouse. This information gave me more confidence to say what I wanted to say. I tried to setup a date for us, but Nathan seemed busy all the time. I couldn’t wait anymore. I had to say something. “Have I been obvious?” I asked him casually via text message. “What do you mean?” he asked. I took a deep breath before texting the message as I wrote, “I’m interested in you.”. As I anticipated his reply, I told myself not to get upset if things did not go as planned thinking I would know how to deal with it.
Yet, suddenly as I looked at my phone, I read those heartbreaking words, “I’m seeing someone.” My heart sank. It took seeing it to realize I truly liked this guy, whose witty sense of humor, style, and confidence attracted me. Patrick was somewhat right and wrong. Yes, Nathan was in a relationship, but some time between when we met in November from May, the two had split. Also, somewhere between that time, Nathan had found love elsewhere, with a new guy, and I, assuming he was in the old relationship, kept my feelings quiet because I did not have the confidence to be upfront and ask.
So I went to work that afternoon, metaphorically, kicking myself in the foot for not telling the truth. Nathan even mentioned if I had said something before, things would have probably turned out differently. And although I knew it would be careless and stupid to wait on this man, I knew in my heart the care and love I had for Nathan was real. That night, my good friend left me this comforting message,” Don’t give up…just continue to be his friend and live your life. If it’s meant to be and he has feelings for you, the opportunity will present itself again.”
The truth was, I felt crappy. But at the same time, my friendship with Nathan meant the world to me and like my friend told, if it was meant to be, the chance would come again. For now, I had made a promise to myself to be upfront with my feelings.