A quote from Jazz from, “Grown-ish”The royal wedding for Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, is just a few weeks away, and everyone is excited that a black woman is finally going to be in the royal family. But unlike Markle, a lot of black women haven’t found their Prince Charming.
The topic about the struggles black women face when it comes to dating, was brought up in Freeform hit series, “Grown-ish.” The episode “It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp,” brought up the discussion about black women being at the bottom of the totem pole, when it comes to the dating world.
The three main reasons that were discussed were, one, men/black men, typically go for women with Eurocentric features, and only like Afrocentric features, when it’s on a non-black woman. Secondly, the stereotypes on black women, in which some men believe black women are angry, bitter, and “ghetto.” Lastly, a lot of black women have the notion that they have to have “black love,” and can’t date outside their race.
Features
So let’s talk about one of the biggest reasons it’s hard for black women to find love, men not desiring black women. Some black women get shamed for their hair textures/styles, skin tone, big lips, etc. We’re not considered the “standard of beauty.”
If you notice, our features are mostly desired, when it’s not on an actual black woman. In the “Grown-ish” episode, Jazz (a black woman), stated, “Everyone’s always checking for the girl who looks black, but nobody what’s the girl who actually is.”
Let’s not forget to mention, a lot of our favorite male celebrities are with non-black women, even the black ones. Some have dated black women prior to being famous, but as soon as they become famous, they date a non-woman of color. Now love is love, but let’s not pretend that this isn’t a real thing. A lot of those men, believe that being with a woman who isn’t black, is an upgrade, or some sort of prize.
For example, the Kardashian and Jenner family, have gotten lip injections to broaden the size of their lips, butt implants to make their butts bigger, tans to be darker, and wear black women hairstyles to be “trendy.” And yet, a lot of black women who have these features, and wear these hairstyles are criticized, but the Kardashians and Jenners are praised, and are some of the most desired women in the world.
In Kanye West’s song “Gold Digger,” he states, “And when he get on, he’ll leave yo’ ass for a white girl.” But the irony of it all, that’s exactly what Kanye did, he married Kim Kardashian.
So, there’s the black men who don’t date black women at all, then we have the black men who discriminate towards darker skin black women, or black women who are fully black (meaning, not mixed). A lot times, if you do see a black male celebrity, with a black woman, she’s biracial. Now, a lot of people who are mixed, identify as black, and I’m not taking that away from them, but a lot of mixed women, have fair skin, and a “finer” hair texture.
In the “Grown-ish” episode, one of the characters, Aaron (a black man), expressed his love for black queens, but Luca, a character who is also a black man, quickly pointed out, that Aaron only dates a certain type of black woman saying, “Yeah, you love queens, when their Egyptian, not Nubian.” Aaron had only dated black women, who were light skin with curly hair.
Stereotypes
How many times have we heard the phrase, “Angry Black Women?” For some reason, people have this notion that black women are always angry. I mean, yeah sure, we can get angry, but we’re human. Everyone gets angry, but for some reason, people only believe that black women do.
In the “Grown-ish” episode, Jazz got called out for sending a drink back. Her friend, Nomi insinuated that’s probably why men don’t want to date her, yet Nomi (a white woman), always sends her drinks back, and no one finds anything wrong with that.
On Solange’s album “A Seat at the Table”, a song titled, “Mad,” Solo talks about as a black woman, she has every reason to be mad. Considering all the struggles and battles black women have/had to face, and if she wants be mad, it’s her perogative.
In words of the revolutionary activist, Malcolm X, “The most disrespected woman in America, is the black woman. The most unprotected person in America, is the black woman. The most neglected person in America, is the black woman.”
Let’s not forget the stereotype of black woman being labeled, “ghetto.” They claim we’re loud, aggressive, and have broken English. And for some reason, that word is attached to all black women, like all black women are the same, and other races can’t be “ghetto.”
Then there’s the stereotype that all black women wear weave, and if they do wear weave, it’s because they don’t have any hair under it. As if, other women of different races don’t wear weave. Or black women, can’t simply just want to change up their hairstyle, time to time.
There’s plenty of famous white women, who wear weaves and wigs, but society doesn’t seem to think there’s anything wrong with it. The Kardashian and Jenner women always try new color wigs and weaves, and they’re called trendy, but when Blac Chyna wears a new color wig, she’s “ghetto,” or “ratchet.”
Lastly, the stereotype that black women aren’t adventurous. A petty and stereotypical reason for this, being some not wanting to get their hair wet. Some black men believe black women don’t like to try new things. This stereotype even transfers over to black women in the bedroom.
The Pressure of Having “Black Love”
Now don’t get me wrong, black love is beautiful, and it’s ok to prefer to date your own race; however, some black women have their minds set on finding a good black man, instead of finding a good man.
And if you’re thinking this is the same thing I was talking about earlier, with black men who date outside their race, you’re wrong. There’s a chasm between, being open to dating people outside your race, but still appreciating your race, and dating outside your race, because you don’t find people in your own race appealing.
Jazz was confronted by her sister, Sky, for flirting with a white boy in that same episode of “Grown-ish.” But Jazz explained to her sister, that she’s open minded to date all guys.
Take Serena WIlliams for example, she’s had plenty of public relationships, some including relationships with Common, Drake, Jackie Long, and clearly, they didn’t work out. But her now husband, and the father of her child, happens to be a white man. If she wasn’t opened to dating a man who wasn’t black, she might not be married right now.
Same with Rihanna, we all know about her pubic relationships with Chris Brown, Drake, Matt Kemp, but currently, Rihanna’s been dating Hassan Jameel, a billionaire from Saudi Arabia, for a few months. People have been mentioning, how Rihanna seems to be “getting thick,” and how her new man is the reason, for this “happy” relationship weight.
In the end, my advice to other black women, is to love yourself and don’t settle. Even if takes awhile for you to find “the one,” trust the process.
