We Need Answers Sway!
On Monday, Prince Charles of England formally announced the engagement of his son Prince Harry to Meghan Markle. Meghan is not your typical princess because she’s American, a commoner, a divorcée , and Black. To be specific, she’s biracial, but where I come from if one of your parents is Black, we just round up. So we’re claiming Meghan, and given her public statements since the engagement, she’s claiming us too. Now that we’re all family…we just have a few questions about this wedding.
10. How many long lost relatives gone try to show up?
Ya’ll know folks about to start coming out the woodwork talmbout, “You know we cousins right?” I bet it’s going all the way down in her and her mama’s DMs.
9. Of her real relatives who are extended an invitation, how many are actually going to return the RSVP?
I only ask because I have observed my people on several occasions (weddings, retirement parties, baby showers etc.) completely disregard the RSVP process. It has been my experience that people think calling 3 days before the event to say, “Nah, I ain’t send it back but you know I’m coming girl,” is the functional equivalent of an RSVP.
8. How will the royal family respond to multiple black women in the room claiming the title of Queen?
I can see it now…one of Maghan’s uncles meeting Prince Harry and introducing him to “his queen,” Latasha. She’ll be like, “Well you know, I got loyalty and royalty inside my DNA!”
7. Who’s teaching the royal family how to wobble?
If #IssaWedding, we gone be doing the Wobble, the Cha Cha slide, the Dougie, the Nay Nay, and everything in between. So I hope the royal family got somebody helping them with their rhythm and timing. Knowing how to Waltz ain’t gone be enough this time, they gone need to know how to Wobble wit it too.
6. How many people are going to show up with extra people (NOT listed on their RSVP)?
See #9 for an explanation of the RSVP struggle. You know how we do. The invitation say “adult only” but your cousins can’t find no babysitters (most likely because the regular babysitter, AKA grandma, is also at the wedding) so now your reception is doubling as daycare.
5. What will be the royal family’s reaction be to people leaving the reception with the table centerpieces?
I know it ain’t just my family. Ya’ll aunties and ‘nem be taking the flowers and decorations off the tables too. Quit frontin’ like your momma’s dining room ain’t filled with “keepsakes” right now.
4. How long will it take before footage of the ceremony is posted on Worldstar and Bossip?
I’d be willing to bet that somebody’s going to try to “go live” from the wedding.
3. How many pearls will be clutched at the site of several black beauties in Fashion Nova bodycon cut out dresses?
Don’t look at me crazy. You know what ya’ll be wearing to weddings, wakes, baptisms, and bible studies these days. Westminter Abbey is most definitely NOT ready for all that jelly. Somebody might want to warn the Archbishop of Cantebury…just saying.
2. Speaking of clutching Pearl’s…what’s going to happen if Meghan has relatives who are members of Omega Psi Phi Fraternity Inc. and they ask the DJ to play Atomic Dog?
Maaaaaaaaaan Listen…the Bruhz will #BeOwt ANYWHERE!!!!!!!!! No palace is safe. I know for a fact the British nobility ain’t ready for the neck roll (none of us ever are). Party Done!
1. Will it start on time?
Self Explanatory. BBC News might be on standby for a minute while we wait for a few more bridesmaids who were running a little bit behind, to get their lashes put on. But I’m sure it’ll be worth the wait.
P.S. These are just jokes. I’m sure the wedding will be one for the storybooks. I’m wishing Meghan and Prince Harry all the happiness in the world and looking forward to watching the festivities on TV…not Worldstar.
By Nicci Page Writer | Lawyer | Speaker | Creative
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