So you’ve been dating for a while and now you are thinking that final, huge question, “IAre they the one?” You’ve crossed all the important milestones: you’ve met each other’s families, you’ve said the ‘L’ word, and they’ve stolen a minimum of three of your hoodies. Now you’re getting to the point where you’re asking those crucial questions – “How do I know they’re the one?”, “Should I marry them?”, and “Are they the right one?”
If you think you’ve found that special one but aren’t exactly sure, here’s a bit of advice from my own personal experience. These are the 11 signs they’re “the one.”
1. A Smooth Start With “The One”
The best relationships happen completely naturally from start to finish. The couple meets, their vibe is undeniably right, they start dating, and it leads to marriage. This relationship can bypass the dreaded “DTR” (Define the Relationship) during the process because everything feels as natural as a mountain trail. There are no make-ups and break-ups or even considerations of this. While these types of situations can still work, the instability will inevitably continue into the marriage. That may be acceptable, but a clearer sign of the right one is a good start.
2. No Awkward Silence
Sure you’ll have incredible conversations with that special one. But, even more telling of the right one, is thriving within silence, too. This is when you can appreciate a quiet moment with them, past the urge to flood the air with conversational filler, and it’s not awkward.
In fact, it becomes the ultimate comfort. Although there might not be any words spoken, not verbally anyway, everything is said with body language and gazes that speak volumes. When you’re with someone you truly connect with, moments of silence are like being on a cool, breezy rooftop with smooth R&B playing in the background. There is a sound even if there isn’t.
Arguments with “the one” never last that long. Regardless of the topic – it won’t really matter – before long you’ll realize that “being right,” for once in your life, isn’t at the top of your list of priorities.
You are willing to concede to them and will even offer a heartfelt apology without grinding your teeth. During the heat of the moment, when you feel your pride starting to crawl up your throat, true love reminds you to swallow it, focusing on what matters most. This is even if that means being “wrong” in an argument you probably won’t remember tomorrow.
4. Apologies Aren’t Necessary
Love is full of irony. While you’re eager to apologize, even if you know you’re not wrong, you aren’t hunting down an apology for their every offense and fault. This may not involve more substantial arguments with real and lasting consequences, but, rather, the more trivial matters that brush sensitive egos.
Real love isn’t banging on doors for basic apologies. And, no grudges are held. Love is greater than an “I’m sorry” anyways. When you meet “the one,” a word like “sorry” shouldn’t suddenly reverse your feelings, one way or the other. So while apologies are welcomed, they shouldn’t be necessary.
5. You Don’t Want to Change Them
Differences and conflicts are as much a part of relationships as hugs and kisses. But if you are constantly pulling your hair and praying to the Divine for your partner to change, you have a serious red flag glaring at you.
It is customary to begin a relationship starry-eyed, as your brain bathes in all the love chemicals that cause you to overlook flaws or annoying quirks. Soon after, as the chemicals wane, these traits may cause more eye-rolling and lip-sucking than you ever imagined. People rarely change, and marriage is not a typical cause of major changes in behavior. So, “the one” will be someone you can live with and not have to work on. I often say that love is not about what you like about a person; it’s what you don’t like but can handle.
6. You See Them In Everything.
When you find “the one,” everything will remind you of them. You could be watching Housewives of Atlanta, and suddenly – bam!, it’s them – simply because the restaurant the ladies are eating at reminds you of a date you had or want to take them on.
This is your body’s not-so-subtle way of telling you, “Hey, you can stop messaging those other people on your phone now. You’ve found what you were looking for.” Even when you are trying to talk to other people, you compare them to this special person. Your player card just doesn’t work when your mind keeps running back to them.
Even if you’re the most introverted, anti-social person in the world, none of that matters when you find “the one.” You’ll be readjusting your schedule just to cuddle up with them and rewatch a movie you barely like.
The nights out partying with friends or even home alone scrolling through TikTok videos are happily replaced with date nights with bae. I know it sounds like you’re whipped. Maybe you are, but you aren’t upset about that in the least. In fact, you welcome it. You’ve finally found a safe space, a haven to call home. Now your “me” time is “we” time, and you don’t miss a thing.
8. Family and Friends Love Them
While there can be obvious exceptions to this – racism, sexism, classism, homophobia, etc. – in general, if your special someone doesn’t mix with you’re family or friends, you’ve got a red flag to address.
These are the family members who raised you and friends you spend a lot of time with. Your family shaped you into who you are, and you’re friends entered your life because you share values and interests. When they love your partner, it validates that this person really fits you.
Again, there can be exceptions to this, but don’t neglect the real and honest feedback if your family is questioning why you’re even with them. People that love you naturally love who you love and who loves you.
9. They Become Your Best Friend
While physical attraction and chemistry play a part in any relationship, a deeper connection is necessary that helps two people bond in a lasting friendship. Consider that you’re going to get older. Your body will get softer, hair will get grayer and libido will get slower. You’re going to need more than a sex partner; you’re going to want a life partner.
So if you feel a real friendship with them, there is a clearer sign they are “the one.” Friendships can look and feel different based on who you are and how you were raised. However, there are some things that pretty much everyone looks forward to from their friends: honesty, fun times, trust, and amazing memories. If your definition of best friend is met with them, you have something special you should hold on to for certain.
You spent the night together, woke up, laid in bed cuddling, made breakfast, ate, showered, and got dressed. Now, you’re walking out the door and don’t want to leave. In a world where people are racing out of their homes to get away from their partners, if you are experiencing the opposite, you might have found “the one.”
It’s like being addicted to a drug. As soon as the high wears off, you’re thinking of your next fix. You crave to be with them again. You’re constantly thinking of what it will be like when you are near them or hear their voice again. Text messaging throughout the day doesn’t seem overwhelming at all. It’s like talking to yourself (and we all do it – lol). This is how you can distinguish the ones you hook up with versus the one you’re hooked on.
11. Marriage Isn’t a Scary Word
If you have watched movies or television shows, you may see someone shaking at the thought of getting married. There are having second thoughts and cold feet. While that makes for good drama, it is not a reality you want with your relationship.
When you find real love, you won’t be scared at all. In fact, it will feel like a natural next step on a path that was always leading in this direction. You won’t be anxious; you’ll be overjoyed. I’m not implying you shouldn’t get married if you are a little nervous, but if you are sweating and shaking at the thought of marrying someone you love, you might need to do some soul searching and consider why.
The Simple Truth About “The One”
The signs are there. The proof is there. The evidence is there. You just have to be willing to be honest with yourself about what you see and what is missing. If too many of these signs are missing, you should consider reexamining why you are with this person. However, if you smiled more and more as you were going through this list, if every one made it more clear that the person in your life brings you real and lasting joy, you’ve probably found “the one.”