3 Reasons Why All White Parties Are Annoying

White Party

It’s about to be Summer, which means there’s going to a be a ton of “All White Parties” popping out here. I’m talking about graduations, cookouts, family reunions, day parties, club parties, and bougie brunches. Not to say that these functions and the notion of wearing one color don’t take place all year long. However, there’s something about the rising temperatures that makes people participate in certain things more often than others. “All White Parties” are going to be out here spreading like the plague. This is your public service announcement if you didn’t already know.

Ever since the Diddy started hosting his annual “All White Party” in the late 90s, the idea has spread like an epidemic. It once meant something to wear all white to a function full of other people who did the same. Now it’s just Tuesday, or whichever day your function lands on this week.

Literally, there is an “All White Party” almost every week. They come in different variations, such as the type of function and the time of day, but the fact that they happen never change. It never fails. Unfortunately, nobody has time to get caught in this trap.

 

Here are a few reasons why “All White Parties” are annoying:

White Gets Dirty Very Easily

It’s just a simple fact. Anytime you wear white it will get dirty in some form or fashion. Something always falls on you unexpectedly like food or a splash of red punch. And unlike other colors, stains and mishaps are most noticeable on white. So, you either have to be extremely careful or pray that the stain that will inevitably come will be small and somewhere that people won’t notice.

In addition to getting dirty, the longer you wear white the dingier it gets. Mostly from the natural oils of your own skin. Ever take off a white shirt and noticed how dirty the collar looks after. No matter be horrendous but it’s definitely slightly darker than the rest of the garment. And how you can you be careful of your own bodies natural oils.

All White Limits Wardrobe Options, Especially For Men

Saying that a person has to wear a certain color limits their wardrobe options significantly. Now they have to hope that they own something in that color that will fit the occasion or else they’ll have to go out and buy something. Women usually have 10-20 dresses in the same color. They may look similar, but you can bet they’re different enough that no one would accuse her of wearing the same thing twice.

Though men can stock their closets with just as many options, what exactly is there to wear to an All White Party. It’s not a wedding or prom so there’s no reason to wear a full out white suit. However, a white or off-white linen suit could work.  Men are usually limited to a white t-shirt, sweater/sweatshirt, or button down. And the button down might be open with the sleeves rolled up, unless it’s short sleeved. Or even worse, you could be forced to just wear a polo shirt to appease the masses.

Also, the host of the party is deliberately trying to make you look like everyone else. Not that you have to try to be different on purpose, but why do you have to look like them.

The Chances of Sweating Are High, and Sweat Shows Up Through White

White Party

In the immortal words of Future, “Ain’t No Way Around It”. It’s going to happen and there’s no way of stopping it. One you get a lot of people together in one area someone’s going to sweat. And then more people sweat until everyone is dripping in some form or fashion. Also, if you’re not indoors then you’re mostly outside in the hot Sun or the humid air.

White holds you hostage to sweat. Every little drop gets absorbed by you outfit until it looks like you missed your mouth when trying to drink a glass of water. Or you’ve somehow splashed water under your armpits when trying to wash your hands. When you wear all white it’s like daring God not to do something and who are you to tell God what he can or can not do. And now you look stupid because you didn’t just come out of the shower or finish taking a relaxing bath. You definitely didn’t just finish doing a couple laps in the pool. You’re dripping because you’re at an “All White Party”, trying to hold yourself together.

Martel Sharpe

Martel is a writer in Atlanta, who's cooler than a polar bear's toenail. He loves reading, writing, and brunch. Reach out to Martel through email, martel.kontrolhomme@gmail.com or follow him on Instagram and Twitter @markopolowe.