It hurts when a relationship ends, especially for the partner who’s been broken up. But the one doing the breaking up isn’t protected from pain, either. While there’s a lot of advice about surviving a bad break up, there is very little about how to transition smoother after it’s over. So allow me to explain why this approach will help you heal faster than ever before. Here are nine things you already know that will help you get to the other side of breakups.
Truth One: You Are Worthy of Love
Regardless of who filed for divorce, your self-esteem can take a beating. You may feel like a failure, worthless or unlovable. Just because you are not able to make the relationship work with that one person doesn’t mean you can’t move on and find a loving relationship. In the dating phase, you didn’t stop looking for a relationship after that third terrible date. Use this time to reconnect with the voice that said there is better ahead and you’re worth it. This is not the time to beat yourself up. Speak love into your life. Remember why you felt worthy in the first place.
Truth Two: People Love You
You may get a cold shoulder from some friends once you get divorced, especially if their loyalties truly lie with your ex. That’s cool. You still have other people around you who do love and support you. It’s time to reach out to them and spend some time. You know how you were when you broke up with your girlfriend or boyfriend. You called a close friend and vented until they said, “let’s go hang out to get your mind off of it.” Well, activate that moment now. Call some old friends and make some new ones to support you through this transition.
Truth Three: You Were Someone Before This
Remember who you were before the relationship? Reach back in your memory. What were your hopes and dreams? There were places you wanted to go and new things you wanted to try. Well, this is the perfect time to take that writing workshop, adventurous excursion, or other activities that interest you. Maybe you want to go back to school. It’s time to start a new life for yourself―the one you always wanted.
Truth Four: Grief Takes Time
Give yourself time to grieve. Take down old picture albums of the marriage, play “your” songs. Have a good cry. Cry deeply and get ugly with it. No cute criers here. Give yourself a time limit on your grief, and then make a pact with yourself that you won’t dwell on the negative feelings any longer. When that old flame fizzled out, you had a daily pity party. It was good at the beginning of your adjustment period, but you knew that you had to move on to be happy. Pull out that old dating pillow that used to soak up your tears. Set a time limit and move on.
Truth Five: Rediscovery is a Necessity
Get to know yourself again. When you’ve been part of a couple, chances are many of the choices made in the relationship, such as where to eat or where to go on vacation, were not your choices but your spouses. You may have no idea what you really like anymore. Try new things and relearn your sources of happiness. You now have the freedom to explore yourself and you may be surprised to learn that you’re a very interesting person!
Truth Six: Things Will Never Be The Same
Whether you like it or not, this experience is a catalyst for your new life. Sometimes the most traumatic experiences can push us out of a rut we’ve been in with our lives. Have you been stuck in a career that didn’t fulfill you? Were you waiting on a moment to start your business? Did you want to learn a new language? When you were dating, you had the ability to dust them and try again. Now may be the perfect time to dust off the options you’ve let sit on the shelf. Start your life over beginning today, and realize there are amazing opportunities awaiting you.
Truth Seven: Celebrate Your Truth
You are single. It’s time to stop mourning your relationship and start celebrating your singleness. Celebrate being single. We live in an era where people are staying single longer and enjoying it. Even those in a relationship see advantages to being single. Your bathroom is now all yours. No more crazy looks when you stay out late with friends. You get to cook what you like when you like. Even how you spend your money is back in your control. You can’t change being single right now, so find ways to enjoy it. You don’t have to throw an entire divorce party. A quiet moment of reflection with acknowledgment and appreciation for your truth will trigger the same joy in your soul.
Truth Eight: Rebounds Are Not Rewards
Rebound relationships are never good for either person involved. They may feel like a solution to the great void left after your separation. But it’s not. It takes time to heal and hope again. Rebounds become distractions to the process of restoration that your heart needs. While there is no exact timeframe for when you should date again. Give yourself the gift of true singleness before you re-engage the dating phase.
Truth Nine: Time Heals Some Wounds
Healing doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time. The old adage, “Time heals all wounds” is only partly true. Time does heal some wounds, but many wounds from divorce will never heal. Time helps to lessen the sting. Eventually, the constant barrage of memories and regrets will happen less often. Then you will appreciate the pain for what it was: an opportunity to stop your joint evolution for personal evaluation.