To be in a happy and fulfilling relationship, each party has to bring their best to the table, striving to create win-win scenarios. It can only work when we are genuinely dedicated to one another as opposed to compromising because we know no better. Compromising as a valuable trait has been formed in a past era when marriages were a necessity rather than a genuine desire to bond.
Often, couples were forced to live together an entire lifetime, being quite incompatible. If people are naturally incompatible, chances are, they are going to remain that way. Forcing or insisting on the other person’s change, is like forcing something to be compatible that is not. Compatibility hasn’t always played as important a role as in our current society.
Do You Mistake Love for Pain in Your Relationship?
Problems start to arise when you think you compromise out of love. Or, you expect others to compromise for you, to show you they genuinely love you. This happens when we don’t understand how we form connections, operating out of pain, instead of love. With such patterns, we tend to attract incompatible relationships. Compatible partners can co-exist together without conflicts or problems. Harmony comes naturally for compatible individuals!
We tend to mistake love for pain in our relationships. We were taught that the best way to overcome our relationship obstacles is to compromise. But what does compromise truly mean if we break it down? It means that the way I am is not very good for the other person’s wellbeing, therefore, I must make amendments here and there. Chances are, if we aren’t foundationally good together, there could be too many adjustments to make, to live together peacefully.
Seeing Examples of Compromising and Believing It Is The Way
At least, this is the way most of us think. But if we took the time and asked ourselves, do these compromises truly make me happy? We could find, we only do so from a compulsion to conform. We could see our parents’ examples of how they managed to live together by compromising, whenever possible. This is as outdated a concept as many others these days, that need to be refreshed. The solution is to seek out and establish compatible relationships.
If there’s a solution, why don’t people choose something that works? Because many of us could be unaware of how to connect better and what to look for in others, based on our attraction. Most of us weren’t educated on the importance of compatibility for healthy relationships. In fact, by being advised to compromise, we were taught the opposite. It requires huge patience, strength, belief, and bravery to continue searching for the right partner, as long as it takes…
Compromising Equates to Sacrificing
When you compromise, you sacrifice things, which inevitably leads to feeling discontent. If you sacrifice in your relationship, you consciously or unconsciously assume to repay. You would think that having done so much for your partner allows you to ask for something in return. If they wouldn’t comply, you could feel disappointed and resentful. Isn’t compromise very dangerous because of this in our blind world? Whenever you compromise, it will leave a trace in your memory bank.
You could use it as your trump card in a given situation, or compromise even further. This only leads you to feel like a weakling. It isn’t a genuine act of love, so it doesn’t help anyone. If you ask others to compromise for you that’s not loving either. And when others compromise for you, it doesn’t equate to being loved by them. When you live in a compromising relationship you are in a state of surrendering that could be far worse for you than being without any relationship.
Your Optimal Scenario Compared to the Compromising State
The bottom line is, you will always compare the compromising situation you are in with the ideal state you would like to be in, and it will make you dissatisfied every time. We tend to settle because we need to feel safe. Chances are, we could think our wellbeing is threatened if we stop compromising. So the driving force behind our compromise is not our motivation of wanting something badly, but rather our fear of losing something that perhaps we don’t want!
By constantly sacrificing you can never have a life you probably dreamt of! If you sacrifice long-term eventually you will end up at a crossroads. Then, you have to decide if you want to stay in your misery which you could consider fair, or change your decision and path. Try to look at your relationships like this, the key element is not what you do for your relationship, more important is how you feel about what you do for your relationship.
How to Recognize You Are In a Relationship That Works
A relationship that works makes you feel content, it is a win-win for each party involved. As opposed to compromising, when you give up on things that matter to you. You feel discomfort and internal resistance. If you don’t listen to your resistance, keep compromising, and accept your situation that makes you feel less, your pain will keep growing. Compromise is not needed in harmonious and fulfilling connections. Compromising is disagreeing with your core being.
Perhaps we grew up in households, where compromising was encouraged not only in acts but even by words. It was instilled in our heads as being a good virtue. We were sold that this is the way forward to a prosperous relationship, and if we don’t compromise we have a lesser chance for a happy relationship. You were maybe even rewarded when you compromised. Thus, you might have formed a strong desire to compromise and never truly had your needs met.