I really love your advice column and I figure you can help me out with something. I’ve started to date this guy in the last week. He is very intelligent, kind, has great communication, but he lacks confidence. A few years back he was obese and his dating life was virtually nonexistent. Even though he has lost weight and looks great can’t see it, and wants to lose more weight. I tried to get him to have a meal with me later in the evening and he declined because he says it wouldn’t help his wait loss–he also would barely drink with me. I’m not the most fit guy myself, but I like to have fun and be able to say what I want to say without having to worry about hurting someone’s feelings. His low confidence worries me. I’m considering no longer dating him and advising him to work on himself. Should I?
-Actively Searching for BAE
***Actively Searching for BAE, I’m reading your predicament and I swear your love interest must have stolen a few pages from my life story. Here it is, a lot of time when you’re bigger people, especially gay men, do not consider you their ideal mate. Many even treat you subhuman. After a while this treatment becomes so normal and expected that you actually begin to think of yourself as less than a person, tolerating scraps of acceptance and respect that people are willing to toss to you. I
I say all of this to tell you that you sometimes you have to meet people where they are. It is a high chance that you are just the latest guy, in a long line of men, who may have sensed this since he lost weight and were turned off. You, however, can be the difference and help him out. He wants to lose more weight, right? Well you have to respect that and not judge him for not wanting to sabotage his efforts. Make your next few dates something outdoors and/or athletic. I will keep it one hundred with you; there is not a single person only this planet that lacks confidence in some way, fashion, or form. It is up to them to their confidence meter up, but it doesn’t hurt when there’s an extra somebody to help them turn their knob. Give the boy some time! Remember “BAE” can be many things, but if he isn’t human first and foremost, then he’ll be nothing, and you’ll have nothing.
☆Need advice? Simply leave your question in the comments section of this post, or email me at HeyMikeyATL@gmail.com. Be sure to pick a pen name! Thanks for checking me out! -Mikey ♡