Friends are the hallmark of a happy existence. They bring love and laughter into your hectic life. They celebrate your triumphs and console you during tragedies. You cherish their advice and appreciate their company. So, of course, you want them to be a part of the journey of your new relationship. Unfortunately, those same friends could be the reason why you are unable to find or keep a partner. You may be overlooking the ways that your friends are ruining your chances of long-lasting love.
While it may sound harsh, anything (hobbies, partying, work, friends, etc.) that monopolizes your time and energy can weaken your chance for a healthy relationship. Learning to balance all the things you want in your life, requires you to see what is out of place and isn’t working. Any of these traits can appear in your friendships. So if you want the love of your life, you better wake up and pay attention to these seven signs your friends are ruining your love life.
1. They Are Always On Your Stage
You have seen the group of friends that seem inseparable. They talk in group chats, go to the same events and know all the same people. They are together so often that they may have a group name: “The Golden Girls” or “Destiny’s Child.” It’s cute and comforting to have that type of bond with someone else.
So what’s the problem? While you love your friends, only conjoined twins should spend all their time together. Even Destiny’s Child took some time apart to explore solo careers. Your friends don’t always have to be on your stage. They don’t have to be included in every activity. There are some levels of success that require you to stand on the stage alone.
Relationships are no different. You may have to set some boundaries and expectations with friends who want to soak up all your time and energy. If a relationship is a goal then making space on the stage for your relationship must be a priority. The good thing is that Destiny’s Child can always reunite without compromising their individual success.
Common phrase: “What are we doing each day this week?”
2. They Never Think It’s the Right One
You meet someone that piques your interest. When they come around you smile uncontrollably, laugh effortlessly, and talk endlessly. Something about them has bypassed your barriers and dodged your defenses.
Meanwhile, your friend is compiling a list of reasons why it won’t work. While your friend wants the best for you, they also want what’s best for your friendship. If they are single, the best thing for your friendship is for you to remain single. So, no one is really ever going to be good enough.
They will do an entire background check on your interest and come back with a detailed report. Unless they have Tyler Perry money, Idris Elba looks, and Beyonce talent, it is rare your friend will endorse your decision to pursue anything meaningful. Ultimately, your friend does want what’s best for you: the friendship. If you want this relationship to last, you have to make your own list of reasons why.
Common Phrase: “You’re too good to talk to them.”
3. They Always Have Some Tea
Your “helpful” friend convinces you that they are just trying to protect you. They have your best interest in mind as they pull out their phone to find something. You just thought you were having a typical conversation with someone you love. Instead, you’re getting a mop, because some tea is about to be spilled about your date.
Your friend seems to salivate at the thought of having information that could cause you to question and, hopefully, reject your relationship. While you thought about who their ex might be and why they ended, you definitely didn’t want to turn into Nancy Drew. The good news is that you don’t have to. Your friend is willing to share that and more.
Unless your safety or sanity is in danger, your friend should leave the detective work to the professionals. Relationships need time for long talks and hard discussions. Friends spilling tea breaks the couple’s organic bonding cycle. Tell your friend to save the tea for another topic.
Common Phrase: “I’m just trying to look out for you.”
4. They Overanalyze Your Concerns
The person you’re talking to checks off many of your boxes, but you still have some concerns. Maybe they work a lot, party more than normal, live in another city, or don’t match your income. You’re still talking to them, so they must not be deal-breakers.
Get ready to have your concerns turn into fears. You meet your friend for a mimosas brunch at your favorite restaurant. They ask about your love life and your face lights up. You may even blush a little. You smile as you share how you met and how they made you feel. As the conversation goes on, you mention one of your concerns. (cue the horror music)
Your friend leans in to console you like you just lost your pet. But, why? You didn’t get a troubling diagnosis from the doctor or pink slip on your job. Every relationship has challenges to overcome. But if they aren’t deal-breakers, don’t let your friend make something major that’s really minor.
Common Phrase: “Well, that’s not something I could deal with.”
5. They Become Your Relationship Therapist
One of the best ways to let off some steam and bond is the vent to a friend. Without your friends, you may resort to sharing your feelings at the wrong time with the worst people. Friends are a safe space to talk through relationship issues. Many times, your friends may have amazing advice about the problems you face. [Read: Don’t Feed the Snakes: Three Dangers of Venting on Social Media]
The more you trust your friends, the more you are comfortable revealing. You share the details of a date night or something funny from your weekend getaway. Now your friend feels entitled to even more information. What if it’s something that is assumed private between you and your date?
If you were on a sofa with a licensed therapist, you would be encouraged to be as open as possible. But your friend is probably not one. You sabotage your relationship by sharing the private parts that are embarrassing or painful. Avoid sharing intricate details that would make your love interest cringe.
Common Phrase: “So, what’s really going on?”
6. They Want You to Cheat
In the Tinder and Grindr era of relationships, it feels like the world got larger. You can connect with more people in ten minutes then you could all night at a club ten years ago. So, you may have friends who love to use these “dating” apps to find a one night stand.
Your friends may go to sleep with phones in their hands from talking to so many people at one time. You don’t have to judge them, but they shouldn’t be trying to influence you to do the same if you are in a relationship.
Don’t let your loyalty to a friend cause you to lose something special. Let your goal be your guide. Put some space in place of friendships who would rather see you add a notch on your bed than a ring on your finger.
Common Phrase: “You’re not even married yet.”
7. They Disrespect You and Your Partner
It seems odd to suggest a friend would disrespect you or someone you’re interested in, but it happens all the time. When you bring a lover around your friends, they should be trying to help you impress them. The goal is to give them a “Coming to America” style display of loving friendships and welcoming connections.
So what happens when your friends talk about your ex over dinner or read you in front of your date? What if your friends ignore your partner or give them a bitter reception? Friends can be jealous of you or annoyed with your lover.
Either way, if you feel like you’re being disrespected, you probably are. It doesn’t just make your lover feel awkward. It creates doubt in their mind about your ability to be a loving and supportive partner. Recognize how you feel when you’re out with your lover. Set the expectation that you want your friends on their best behavior.
Common Phrase: “I hope this relationship lasts longer than all of your other ones.”
Here are a few more common phrases from friends to catch:
- “How can you fall for someone else so soon?”
- “Can it really last from a dating app?”
- “Didn’t you sleep with them on the first night?”
- “What kind of friend are you? You get a date and dump your friends.”
- “You don’t care about me anymore.”
- “Do you have to ask for permission from the old ball and chain to hang out with your friends now?”
The Simple Truth
Friends are like an open road to happiness. Unfortunately, they can be a highway of hell to your relationship. The same friends that can help you feel loved can also cause you to lose love. New love can threaten the routine of established relationships. When a friend becomes envious or resentful, all kinds of drama can arise. You are left to choose between your friends and your relationship. If love is a battlefield, your friends may be the opposition.
Have you ever felt like you had to choose between your friends or your partner? Share in the comments below.