As many other couples start to plan for marriage, this adage comes up: should couples get advice from single or married people?
Marriage is a long-term commitment. It’s a financial and emotional investment meant to last decades into the future. However, maintaining a commitment is rarely a smooth process as problems do arise along the road.
Thus, a source of good advice is needed, which begs a few questions. Who should couples get their advice from? Is an unmarried individual a reliable source of advice? Or is it best to rely on successfully married individuals?
This also recruits the question of social life. Should married couples primarily socialize with unmarried couples? Or should they spend their time with other married individuals?
First – A Discussion of Credentials.
Beyond the basics of respect and love, there are no hard rules on keeping a marriage successful. It’s often a long-term process of adapting to one another.
A key credential required in the intake of gathering help from outside sources is long term relationship experience. This creates protection from taking advice from individuals lacking that experience and settling for insufficient guidance.
Another credential that may matter is professionalism. Marriage advice is often offered in the form of counseling services. The reputation of someone like dating coach and matchmaker, Julie OWadley of Eli Simone, with over 12 years of experience, is a defining factor when considering who to invite into your personal life.
Now, if a couple prefers to seek non-professional advice, we recommend those who have survived a long-term relationship and may have recruited previous professional help themselves.
Single or in a Relationship?
Not all long-term relationships are healthy. Many are toxic, where each partner is co-dependent on the other. Also, it’s often the case that a relationship of subservience exists, where one partner is mistreated by the other.
In that situation, you may often find that single couples with long term dating experience are the best option in sharing relationship problems with. Keep in mind, it’s necessary to filter the advice while picking what is constructive, leading us to the next point.
Second – A Discussion of Effectiveness.
Proper marriage advice should have a mediating effect. It should assist couples in improving their listening skills and receptivity to each other’s’ needs. Also, this area of advice should help couples better communicate with each other. Thus, any form of advice that encourages couples to win or dominate each other, should be rejected.
Evaluating Likely Sources of Effective Advice.
A couple can often judge effectiveness by the source’s psychological maturity. Individuals with a calmer disposition and the capacity to listen offer excellent advice. When combined with long-term relationship experience, the listener often receives proper guidance.
Summarizing the Traits of Good Marriage Advice
Overall, married couples aren’t the only source of good advice. Long-term relationship experience is the defining factor, in addition to advice that focuses on open dialogue and reconciliation. Also, an excellent trust metric is experience in giving great advice. A recommended source of advice is a professional counselor that’s accredited, even if they are single.
Third – A Discussion of Socialization.
Social life is often a source of relationship advice. The question arises of: Should married couples, specifically wives, spend time with single or other married couples?
We see that socialization with single individuals shouldn’t be an issue. After all, single individuals may be family members, or friends with a special life mission, or someone with a busy career.
Additionally, there’s the issue of context; not all social situations are hangouts. Many tend to be gatherings for holidays and opportunities for productive activities.
In those situations, restraining interactions to just married couples is harmful, if not oppressive to a married person’s life. They can often thwart various viewpoints and opportunities for development on a variety of levels professionally, spiritually, and mentally in terms of leisure.
Marriage is an ongoing work in progress in order to fulfill the best vital life commitment. Additionally, the commitments of marriage shouldn’t overshadow a person’s development. Marriage isn’t the final milestone of a person’s life, as there’s always room for personal development.