When the Honeymoon’s Over: Conflict Resolution for Newlyweds

You’ve probably heard the phrase “the honeymoon’s over.” It is the first fight after the wedding. It happens to every couple, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Being married is a big change for any couple and with it can come all sorts of arguments that never seemed to come up before. Here are a few common arguments that newlyweds face and some tips to defuse the situation.

Home Decorating

Decorating your home might not seem like something stressful, but when tastes collide, tempers can ignite. You may not have realized how very different you and your partner’s styles are until you’re trying to pick out a new quilt or paint for the living room walls. Before battles start over throw pillows, it’s important for you both to take a step back and figure out what is most important to you both and where can you compromise. Maybe you refuse to budge on the asymmetric pattern throw pillows, but you could be persuaded to go a few shades darker on the living room walls. If you find that you can’t agree on either of your options then try looking around for something else that you both like. Maybe you’ll find an exterior dutch door that you both love. It’s about making sure that compromises are reached that you can both be happy with.

How to Manage the Money

Money is the number one reason that couples fight and also the #1 reason that couples get a divorce. That can make having any issues with money seem frightening but it shouldn’t be. Should you manage your money separately or jointly? Should you pay bills out of a separate account every month? Every couple will have a different method that works for them. What the most important thing to remember is that honesty is the only way to make managing your money work. This means both you and your partner need to be transparent about how much money you make, what your bills are, any debt that you have, and where the money is going. This doesn’t mean that either one of you has to ask permission for every single purchase you make but you should be making major purchase decisions together.

Family Problems

Even if you have known your partner’s family for years there’s something that’s different about them becoming your in-laws. Problems are bound to come up and dealing with them can feel like a minefield. Your partner is in the position of being caught between you and their parents or siblings and probably doesn’t want to take sides. That can feel like a personal slight to you. After all, didn’t you just promise “til death do us part?”

The important thing to remember here is to keep your cool. Choose your battles in order to keep the peace. Sometimes that means turning the other cheek when your mother-in-law criticizes your cooking. But when something important comes up make sure that your partner understands that you expect them to back you up.

Balancing Two Schedules

Something that couples that already live together might face even before the wedding is how to manage two busy schedules. If both you and your partner work or are busy with school or children it can be easy to forget to be a couple! Arguments can easily come up over even little things: Whose turn it is to do the dishes? Why didn’t anyone take the trash down on pick up day? No one has done laundry in a week. Communication is the key to a happy, healthy relationship.

Chores might not be fun, but they do have to get done. Whether your relationship works better when each half picks a handful of chores to be responsible for or you split the tasks as they come up, make sure that you both share the work. But don’t take each other for granted! When you see that your partner has done something around the house a quick “thank you” will make them feel good and help to keep either of you from feeling resentful.